I bought a journal (inspired by the beautiful Belinda and Ronnie) and it has been sitting on my bedside table for the past few weeks willing me to write. I stare at it before I go to bed but I have not had the courage to pick it up. Last night I picked it up.. I felt its weight in my hand, I flicked the course pages to the beginning and I started to write.
"I thought of you today, in truth I think of you most days I just don't admit it to myself. You sneak into my head and I find myself wondering what could have been if the decisions you made had been different. It has been so long since I have seen your face, since I have heard your voice but I remember you, I remember the feeling of you. I tell myself it doesn't matter, that my heart doesn't break for you, but it does. You don't know who I am, you don't know the person I have become, I am so different now. My hands are those of a mother, a wife. There are lines around my eyes. There are scars on my body from life's adventures and there are memories, memories you are not apart of but you could have been. I will close my eyes soon, I will sleep and the memory of you will fade. I am naive to think it won't return, it will sneak up on me like it did today and the torment of emotions will fill my body once again."